Ad Hoc (ad hok') adj.
A tournament originally organized in spring 1996 by the MAQT and quasi-edited by Matt Colvin as a substitute for the Hopkins tournament, which was cancelled as it had been for the past several years. Although not the best of tournaments, it was a lot of fun and was repeated the next year. This time, it was edited by Khon, and thus is also known as Khon Hoc I. The response to Khon's questions was so overwhelming that the increasingly misnamed Ad Hoc III (aka Khon Hoc II) was held in 1998, and now appears to be a MAQT institution. See also Khon packet
Ang·us (angh' uss) n., pl. -uses.
A hundred-eyed Scottish deity first discovered at Georgetown Cup IV, sometimes mistaken for the Greek creature Argus. Renowned for his haggis-eating abilities, he could see one a hundred miles away. The blast of his magical bagpipes Arghblott could be heard throughout the universe. He destroyed his foes by crushing them with cabers he tossed from the heavens.
Ass-find·ing ex·pe·di·tion (ass find'
ing ek spe dish' un) n., pl. -ions.
A short and easily accomplished quest, the goal of which is to hit one's buzzer quickly and, by whatever means necessary (e.g. echolocation, dowsing, etc.), locate one's posterior. The rewards for successfully completing an ass-finding expedition are 10 points, a bonus, and watching your opponent's look of annoyance. See also Find Your Ass
Ass·luck (ass luk') n., pl. -lucks.
1. That particular kind of luck that is outrageous and undeserved.
2. Extreme luck, as opposed to skill or knowledge or actual prowess.
3. That Satanic power upon which Andrew Yaphe draws to win games against Maryland in which he is down 200+ to nothing at the half.
Bastard Team (bass turd teem) n., pl. -teams.
A team composed of players from more than one school, usually with the intent of amassing greater talent than single-school teams possess. The term was first used by Matt Colvin to refer to a team of John Edward, Alice Chou, and Andrew Yaphe that won Princeton's tournament in 1995. In its strictest sense, the term does not have any pejorative force, but as you have probably figured out by now, nearly everything uttered by the MAQT carries some pejorative force.
Bis·cuit (bis' kit) n., pl. -cuits.
1. A small cake of shortened bread leavened with baking powder or soda.
2. Chiefly British. A thin, crisp cracker or cookie.
3. Color. A pale brown.
4. Slang. David Goodman, or by extension, any other foolish player of academic quiz games. "Goodman, you biscuit! You just negged again!"
Bis·cui·try (bis' kit tree) n. , pl. -cuitries.
1. The quality of being a biscuit.
2. The ineffable affliction that descends upon a quiz bowl player to cause him to play poorly.
3. The state of playing poorly in quiz bowl. "Another neg five! F***ing biscuitry!"
Buzz·o·cen·trism (buzz oh cen' triz um) n.
The tendency for a team's buzzer system to be depicted as the archetypical system on the team's website.
The Called Buzz (the kawled buz) n.
1. A legendary answer by Tom Waters on the first word of the first toss-up in a College Bowel packet after predicting that he would make such a buzz before the game began. The word was "Extremism," and the answer was "Goldwater."
2. In lower case and by extension, any attempt to duplicate this feat by answering a toss-up after predicting the point where one would hit the buzzer before hand: "We're down 450-15, and it's toss-up 18, so it doesn't matter. I'll make a called buzz on the
third word of the next question."
CBI NCT (see bee eye en see tee) n., pl. -NCTs.
A minor-league event at which 15 teams who have won nothing but their Regional (and a wild card team) gather to proclaim one of the other 15 teams the "national champion." This process is carried out in a rigorous and scientific manner, using "the worst questions of the year." See also College Bowel
The Cho·co·late Round (the chah' coh layt round) n.
The infamous packet used for the first round of the playoffs at Penn Bowl 9. Written by Emil Thomas Chuck and essentially unedited, it sent three of the top four seeds (Maryland, Michigan and Illinois) to early exits, promptly causing scores of conspiracy theories and proving that soothsayer David Goodman correct when he predicted that the above three teams would never meet. The name originates from Robert Cormier's The Chocolate War, one example of the mediocre lit contained within.
Chris·ti·a·na (kris shtee ah' nah) n.
1. Former name of Oslo, Norway (changed in 1924; the city was really Christiania but who really cares)
2. At the 2001 ACF Regionals, the listed answer for a question asking for the 17th century Queen Christina of Sweden. Andy Hu was denied in his protest and the team was denied a win against CWRU.
3. A city in Delaware with a mall (Exit 4 on I-95). Team members, notably Dan, reminded Andy of his unfortunate bit of luck every time they passed coming to and from tournaments in SE Pennsylvania.
Cloak·ing (klohk' ing) n.
1. The act of switching a school's A and B teams so that the A team will play in a more favorable bracket.
2. Any situation in which the first-string players of a school are on a lower team for the purpose of an easier path to
the playoffs.
Col·lege Bow·el (Kol lej' bow' ell) n., pl. -bowels.
A disease-ridden organ formerly headquartered in Sherman Oaks, CA, which secretes small but expensive envelopes containing yellow and white excrement. "Ughh! That came straight from the College Bowel!"
See also the CBI Reaffiliation Article (which opens in a separate window) and CBI NCT
Col·vin Sci·ence (Kol' vin si'uns) n., pl. -sciences.
1. That line of inquiry practiced and taught by Immanuel Velikovsky.
2. Any science with no basis in number or mathematics.
3. Any science question answered or answerable by Matt Colvin, or by extension, any insultingly easy science question in quiz bowl. "Taxonomy and geologic time questions are Colvin Science."
The Curse (the kers) n.
1. A metaphysical principle of the quiz bowl universe that causes Maryland A to lose to Maryland B, either in an actual game or in
placement at the end of the tournament. The Curse is inevitable at ACF
Regionals.
2. In lowercase, the etiological myth adduced to explain any
game in which the worse team of two from the same school surpasses the
better.
Dead Slot (ded slot) n., pl. -slots.
One of the two RJ-11 slots on our unnamed buzzer system (the one with the black buzzer units having red and green lights and 1/2 inch square red buttons) that did not work, much to the consternation of anyone who pluged their buzzer into it. In the spring of 2002, the wonderful people at that unnamed buzzer system manufacturer eliminated the dead slots.
"Hey, I buzzed in! What's the deal? 'You biscuit, it's in the dead
slot!'"
Di·nan·ic (Dye nan' ick) adj.
Able to finish 30 quiz bowl tossups with four minutes left on the
clock.
En·ti·tled (En ty' tuld) adj.
1. Deserving of points based on knowledge of works, no matter what the question actually asks. "Dave Hamilton is entitled to that question; he knows all the works of Athol Fugard!"
2. Deserving of placement in a national tournament despite not qualifying by the mathematics of the hosting organization. Used as a term of derision, especially by Matt Weiner of Pitt and especially after Maryland A was placed on the wait list for the 2001 NAQT ICT one spot below Princeton B which had won three fewer games at the same SCT.
Fight·er God (fI ter god) noun.
1. A synonym for war god.
2. An incorrect answer given to a common link tossup on mythology which mentioned "Tyr," prompting SteveJon to buzz
and fail to remember what gods with swords are called in many mythological systems.
Find your ass (find yer ass) v.
1. To grope about with one's hands until they alight upon the gluteus maximus.
2. To answer a question that is insultingly manifest and easy. The phrase was originated, or at least applied to quiz bowl, by Guy Jordan of GWU. See also Ass Finding Expedition
Flame war·rior (flame wor' yer) n., pl. -riors
1. A title of distinction awarded by acclamation for meritorious and vehement defense of the principles of ACF by repeatedly asserting quite vociferously the foibles of the College Bowel and the Northern Invitational Circuit on the Usenet newsgroup alt.college.college-bowl.
2. An office first achieved by Matt Colvin and Vishnu Jejjala to which pretenders like Shawn Askew aspire.
Fuck·ing· Ga·nesh (FUHK-ing Ga-NESH) interj.
The response to a clue so blindingly simple, particularly at the beginning of a tossup, that one is fooled into
sitting and thus forfeiting said tossup to someone less crippled by knowledge. First uttered by Casey, it is named
for the eponymous question from the Swarthmore A packet at the 2005 TIT that began, "There are many stories
for how this God got his famous head..."; Brad, Casey, Roman and John failed to jump at this maleficent clue and
thus the UVA team got the toss-up.
|
| First of all, in case you haven't guessed, Matt Colvin is responsible for the graphic above. |
Gord·i·an Knot (gourd' ee an not') n., pl. -knots.
1. Benet's. An intricate problem.
2. The QuizWizard II buzzer system owned and abused by the Maryland team, and possibly by Berkeley and Cornell as well. The QuizWizard II has 16 individual buzzers coming out of a hole in its control panel. Each buzzer cord is nearly 12 feet long, and all 16 of them inevitably become tangled up in an inextricable mess, hence the nickname "The Gordian Knot." Players are usually happy to have 4 or 5 feet of buzzer cord free, content to leave the remaining 7 feet lost in a huge ball of tangled cables on the floor. The only way to tell who buzzed in is for the moderator to look at a digital LED display, then call out the letter and number of the person who buzzed in first, for example, "B3." Everyone in the room will then look at the letter and number printed on his buzzer, and whoever is holding B3 will answer. It sounds bad, but you get used to it, and it's worth it to know who buzzed in second and third ("And what were you going to say, you chucklehead?"). Starting in 1994, graduating Maryland players were presented with a severed buzzer from an old, defunct QuizWizard II. Sadly, it didn't sprout two new buzzers whenever one was cut off, so the team bought a Zeecraft buzzer system. But, a year later, an increasing number of dead slots on the Zeecraft compelled the purchase of another Gordian Knot in June of 1996. When Ken LaSala first saw the new system, he exclaimed "Look at it! It's evil!" A longstanding myth among Maryland players is that when two people buzz in at the same time, the buzzer with the lower number and letter will win out, and thus that the A1 buzzer is the best one to have. However, this myth was dispelled in 2003 when the A1 buzzer stopped working.
Knot repair info kindly provided by Dave:
Date: Thu, 19 Oct 2000 22:30:18 -0400
From: mkkjohnson
To: dhamiltn@wam.umd.edu
Subject: Quiz Wizard info
Dear David,
As the sole distributor of the QWII, I found your article most fun and interesting. I will take this opportunity to pass along some ideas that may help with the tangled cord problem.
1. Have only one person in charge of putting the monster away.
2. I had the same problem with the demonstration model I use at
conventions. My wife made three cloth bags red, blue, and green 16"x14". Each team was wound loosely and place in each bag. Though not perfect it was very helpful.
3. Place plastic electrician ties about every foot or so for each team. This creates a single bundle of cords for the three teams and reduces tangle.
O' yes, there is no advantage to "A1" unless the other 15 cords are broken.
Thanks for the mention and keep up the good work.
__________________________________________
QWII Product information:
Price: $545.00 Plus $15.00 S/H (as of Jan 1, 2000)
The electronics are covered for five years and the cords of death are covered for one. (But they do last forever)
If you have an old machine we can recondition it. Send it to Creative Electronic Design, 2565 Celia Drive, Beavercreek, Ohio 45385. Ask for an estimate.
For sales information send me an email. It is much faster than U.S. mail or phone
Michael K Johnson
C.E.Distribution
5492 Glasgow Place
Columbus, Ohio 43235
quizwizard@email.com
614-457-0741
Ham·il·ton sports (hamm' ill ton sports) n.
An area of specialty somewhat analogous to Colvin Science, but much more varied and unpredictable. Examples include caber toss, Thomas Lipton, curling, Wheaties box, James Naismith, Honus Wagner, and jai alai.
Heck·sher-Oh·lin ef·fect (hek' sher oh' lin ef fect') n.
The phenomenon of answering questions at a tournament based on hearing information in packets read en route to the tournament. This effect appears in various other lexica as "car talk" or whatever, but it received a name for Maryland purposes when Adam Fine pointed it out at the 2002 Cornell Big Red Royal Rumble after answering a question on a model of international trade.
Her·shey·i·sm (Hersh' ee ism) n., pl. -isms.
A failure to answer a question about a place one has visited, book one has done a report on, or any other subject with which one has been
intimately acquainted. "Damnit, you've been to Mount Rushmore! Don't commit a Hersheyism!" Named for MAQT player Rob Hershey.
John Cage (jon kage) n., pl. -cages.
1. The American composer, a student of Schoenberg, most famous for his "4'33"," a composition that calls for the performer to sit at a piano for the specified amount of time, then stand up and bow, presumably to unmerited applause.
2. A particular method for taking a -5 in quiz bowl,
consisting of buzzing in, then sitting there and not saying anything.
Khon pack·et (cone pack' it) n., pl -packets.
A packet written entirely by MAQT player Khon Lien that will
invariably be used at northern tournaments regardless of its quality
or the relative quality of other Maryland packets submitted. A Khon
packet will have a healthy dose of TV, weird cartoons, crazily written
bonuses, and other things that can only be described as uniquely Khon.
Khon has held five of his fabled "Khon Hoc" tournaments, which is a great deal for the price, and typically will feature an overabundance of certain subjects, like minor prophets, playmates, and intricate theme rounds. See also Ad Hoc
Know thy Greek (no thi greek) interj.
An obnoxious declaration usually given after constructing an answer
from roots of foreign languages. Particularly useful in answering Colvin Science.
List (list) n., also interj., pl.
-s.
1. An item-by-item printed or writen entry of persons or things, often arranged in a particular order.
2. Quiz Bowl. An expletive with which to taunt a player who has obviously memorized something just for ACF, especially birthdates of famous people. First used by Harvard captain J.J. Todor to insult Georgia Tech players in the finals of the 1995 ACF NCT.
Usage:
Moderator: "Born in 1770, this philosopher --"
Player on Team A: [buzz] "Hegel."
Moderator: "Correct."
Player on Team B: "List!"
"List" is also uttered as a stupid pun whenever someone answers a question on the composer of Hungarian Rhapsodies.
Per·sis·tence Neg (purr sis' tense neg) n., pl. negs.
The same incorrect answer that a player gives multiple times during a tournament, usually to the amusement of his teammates. The persistence neg is all the more impressive if it is the answer to a question in the tournament which the player misses or negs on. Matt Colvin took the persistence neg to its extreme by buzzing incorrectly with "Caravaggio" twice during the same round at the 1995
Emory Juniorbird, giving Dave G., Dave H., Arthur, Tech I, and Tech II (and presumably the moderator) a much-needed laugh. Tech continued to ridicule him in the hallway after the match.
Pick·off (pik off) n., pl. -offs
A tossup answered by a player after someone on the other team has
already negged; commonly termed a rebound by other teams:
Goodman had 14 pickoffs in that tournament. The verb
"pick off" is used to describe the actual action. Pickoffs that are
especially cheesy or that are used to fatten a players' ppg will often
result in taunting.
Quiz·bowl knee·jerk (kwiz boll nee jerk) n., jerund jerking
A reaction to when someone mentions a person, place or thing tangentially related to the quizbowl canon. It is
the act of shouting out a piece of related information (plot, author, artist, random fact) upon hearing said noun
outside of a quizbowl setting, in most instances without personal knowledge to back it up.
For example, shouting "Umberto Eco!" when a friend tells you that they are reading Foucault's Pendulum even
though you've never read it and don't know what it's about.
Sau·sage Negg (saw' sej neg) n., pl. negs.
1. A culinary item that was offered at a Hardee's at the corner of VA 10 and US 1 in Chester, VA (Exit 61 off I-95), according to the placard under the Hardee's sign, back in January 2003.
2. The title of a proposed prize for the worst neg at collegiate tournaments beginning in 2003.
SCI·ENCE! (SI en suh) n.
Something that is not science.
Slow pitch soft·ball (sloh pitch sawft' bawl) interj.
Description of a very simple bonus. Mahmood Ahmad came up with this term during the 2001-02 season for a bonus on which he could easily get thirty points with his high school quiz bowl education. It is a term of complaint hurled by mouth, and occasionally with a throwing hand motion, when the other team gets such an easy bonus. The opposite of the hardcore bonus that the previous bonus received by the complaining team seemed to be. "Chromosomal disorders?! That's slow pitch softball!"
Smart neg (smart neg) n., pl. -negs.
A sacrificial neg for the good of the team in timed formats, this involves someone buzzing in with a few seconds remaining in a game, even if they do not know the answer, to attempt to run out the clock so the other team does not have a chance to get a tossup. Smart negs are important when you lead by between 10 and 45 points. Perhaps the biggest smart neg in MAQT history was Mike's to run out the clock against Florida and capture third place in the 2003 NAQT ICT.
Sonic Blast (sa-nik blast) n., pl. -blasts.
1. Any number of video games of a similar title on Sega Game Gear, SNES, et cetera
2. A lvl 3 Sor/Wiz D&D spell that generate a deadly beam of sonic energy from your outstratched hand that deals 1d6 points of damage per caster level
3. An item offered at at SONIC, America's drive-in
4. What Casey experienced after eating a burger from establishment in 3. right before the first round of the 2004 NAQT ICT in New Orleans
Spite (spite) n.
1. Malicious ill will prompting an urge to hurt or humiliate another person, both of which seem to occur abnormally often in the MAQT.
2. The motivation behind the studying done by David Hamilton and doubtless many other ACFers, often for no apparent reason other than to bust another player who thinks he has a monopoly on a
question catagory.
3. Inc. A Danstrong team at DSHIT V. Spite Inc., used to replace a GWU team that never materialized, went 4-4 before it was dissolved prior to the playoffs. Dan was so inspired he now uses the name as his handle in the IRC quizbowl chatroom.
Ston·y·brook (stone ee brook) v.
To defeat one team in a tournament multiple times while losing to the rest of the field. Named after SUNY Stonybrook, the team Maryland C beat three times at the 1997 NAQT ICT for their only three wins.
Straight out of Ben·et's (strait out of ben'ayz) interj.
A remark used triumphantly by a player upon answering a tossup mostly by recognizing wording from a reference book (especially Benet's Reader's Encyclopedia) rather than actual superior
knowledge on the subject than other players. Often accompanied by exclamations like "Yeah boyee!," high-fiving, and in general overdramatizing an obscene buzz in order to annoy the other team during practice. Also used pejoratively by other players who also recognized the wording but were beat in. An interesting variant occurred at the 1995 Georgia Tech MLK, where Matt Colvin buzzed in early on a Karl Barth question, and obnoxiously proclaimed, "That's John Barth, copied straight from An Incomplete Education!" putting Dave Goodman's previous neg with James Wilkes Booth to shame.
-strong (strong) suffix.
A suffix applied to a team consisting of one player, usually used as a term of respect. Originally applied to Tom Waters, another notable instance was Longstrong (Long Nguyen from Georgia Tech) at 1996 ACF Regionals.
Tom Joint (tom joynt) n. pl. -joints.
1. A source of inspiration drawn upon (dragged upon) by a certain writer of strange ACF questions. The Tom Joint is rumored to be made from the leaves of cannabis plants growing in South Carolina. The Tom Joint has occasionally been seen in the mouth of Al Whited.
2. By extension, the supposed source of inspiration for any writer of strange ACF questions. "You wrote a tossup on 'A Handful of Dust'? You must have been smoking the Tom Joint!"
To·tal re·call (toe' tul rhee kall) n., also interj.
1. The condition in which a player who remembers questions previously played upon too well and thus makes incredible buzzes.
2. A pejorative comment used towards a player who is suspected of having total recall of a packet.
Tris·cuit (tris' kit) n., pl. -cuits.
A situation where the team negs three consecutive times in a game, something that occured thrice at JCV IX. If there is one offending player, the triscuit is termed natural. If more than one player participates in the triscuitry, the triscuit is deemed combined. Hypothetically, if there were a box of Triscuits available, the guilty party would have to eat one.
Vir·tu·o·so dis·play of
in·com·pe·tence (ver tyu oh' soh dis play' of in comp' eh tense) n.
1. A term first applied by Vishnu Jejjala to Matt Colvin's driving performance during the 1995 UNC tournament. After we arrived at our hotel, Matt left his keys in the ignition and left all the doors unlocked. In order to prevent someone from stealing the car, Matt also judiciously left his headlights on. We were rescued by the Georgia Tech team in the morning with a jumpstart from the Dendymobile. However, Matt has refused to get gas the night before, and the car died on the interstate. After about an hour, we managed to get to the tournament, but by that time the first team had lost by forfeit to Methodist.
2. The inaugural Randolph-Macon Harvest Bowl (more details are available here).
Vul·ture (vul tchyer) n., pl. -s.
A player who snaps up all the tossups made available for picking off by the other team's negs, buzzing as soon as the question is finished or even as the last word is being said, even if someone else on the team had more knowledge of the answer, or knew it at an earlier point in the question. This is usually done in order to fatten one's ppg average, although it is often incorrectly interpreted as a form of spite. Lording it over the pickoffs is extremely irritating to one's teammates, and is sometimes referred to as "crashing the boards." Vultures on the Maryland team include David Goodman, David Vacca,
and formerly, Mike Starsinic. On other teams, Andrew Yaphe is said to be a nefarious vulture. [n.b. -- This term was formerly known as "pickoff lord" until it was deemed to be a stupid name.]
"Who is this Mr. Bel·ve·dere?" (hoo is this mis' ter bel' ve deer) interj.
A question posed by Tom Waters after playing a game at 1995 Masters
on a packet written by the infamous 3-freshmen "Maryland 2" team.
Often used when a good player misses what most people would consider to
be an easy question. Vishnu Jejjala was also confounded by this tossup,
answering with "Jeeves" after it was painfully obvious that the answer was, in fact, Mr. Belvedere. The original question, written in pure ACF style by David Hamilton:
This man married Louise Gilbert and moved to Africa when she was asked to return to the University of Boutari to take a gorilla census. Before that, he had climbed Mt. Everest, rode elephants in India during hunting safaris, assisted Winston Churchill in diplomatic matters, and won a medal in the Pillsbury bakeoff, but he is perhaps best known for his years of service in Beaver Falls at the Owens residence. FTP, who is this character, created by Gwen Davenport, played by Christopher Hewitt in an ABC sitcom from 1985-1990?
Answer: Mr. Lynn Aloysius _Belvedere_
Yev·shen·ko (yev shen ko) interj., pl. -s
A mispronounced answer that is unfairly accepted by the moderator. The original answer occurred in the 1995 Faculty-Student Challenge exhibition, when the B team was playing against the professors. On a question about a certain Russian poet, Dr. Wolfe (who, incidentally, bears a striking resemblance to Bald Bull) buzzed in and answered, "Yevshenko." This answer was accepted by Jesse Molesworth, who deemed it close enough to the answer (Yevgeny YevTUshenko), much to the consternation of Arthur Fleming, whose team lost the match. Ever since, he has referred to Dr. Wolfe as "Dr. Yevshenko." Another famous instance of a "yevshenko" was in the 1994 JMU tournament, where Matt Colvin was given credit for a mumbled "Protagoras" when the answer was in fact "Pythagoras." In fact, if this answer had not been accepted, Maryland B would have won the tournament instead of Maryland A.
You're an ass (yer an ass) interj.
A rebuke directed at a member of one's own team, usually to distance oneself from an unseemly display of pomposity or smugness (something which occurs quite frequently on the MAQT). First uttered
by David Hamilton after Matt Colvin answered a Baldassare Castiglione
question in exaggerated Italian accent.
Matt: buzzes in, then gestures pompously: "Baal-dassssaaaarrrhay
Costeeeley-ohnie!"
Dave: "You're an ass."
You should have got·ten the toss·up (yoo shoud hav gaht' ten the toss' up) interj.
First extensively used by Arthur Fleming, a knee-jerk riposte that is uttered by a player in response to another team saying the answers to his team's bonus (probably to indicate that they would get more points on it than the team that actually received it). The meaning is essentially, "Yeah, you know more about this bonus than we do. But -- ha-ha! -- you didn't get the tossup, chump monkey, so you can shut up."